Win West Virginia on QuiBids

March 31, 2012 · Posted in QuiBids Auctions · Comment

At risk of offending Appalachian QuiBidders, we’re proud to announce that — by an extended and highly convoluted series of business transactions, QuiBids achieved full ownership of the state of West Virginia sometime last week. That means all of its land, assets, exports, imports, and yes, even its residents now comfortably reside within our corporate holdings. On a related note, we’d like to offer our congratulations to the 1.9 million some-odd new QuiBids employees who live there! Woo-hoo! (By the way, we’ll need you all to drop by our Oklahoma City office to fill out your W-2s. Also, if any of you have experience working in human resources, we could probably use your expertise to process all these.)

But alas, we won’t own the Mountain State for long, as we’ve decided to put her up for auction! What do you think a territory this rich in hunting, outdoor exploration, logging, and coal mining’s worth? Of course we’ll toss in a few extra Gameplays and Voucher Bids to sweeten the deal, so we’re expecting a fracas of an auction here. Some likely bidders:

Auntie Anne
Ever try an Auntie Anne’s pretzel? They’re the greasiest, greatest, most addictive snack, studded with chunks of salt so big you could play baseball with ‘em. They’ve gotta come from somewhere, right? Well current studies estimate that the West Virginian landscape’s got enough NaCl stashed away to keep American tables supplied for the next 2,000 years. If Auntie Anne’s scores this auction and starts making enough of those doughy delights to keep up with their salt demand, then QuiBids’ collective blood pressure’s just gonna skyrocket. ‘Cause we can’t resist.

Virginia
The Commonwealth’s been sore about losing its western chunk ever since the eve of the Civil War, when a bunch of ne’er-do-well rebels met and voted in favor of the Ordinance of Secession, so don’t be surprised if you see Governor Bob McDonnell make a pass at his neighbors. We actually saw a pretty interesting new user handle crop up last night (WilliamMahonerulz33) that makes us think the 50 states might lose a digit by the time this auction’s over.

Bear Grylls
While exploring acres upon acres of mountainous wilderness with little more than a knife, length of rope, and a canteen full of urine might not sound especially enticing to your typical QuiBids user, it’s right up Bear Grylls’ always determined-to-survive alley. We suppose the English TV show host could use all that backcountry as a private on-site location for shooting the next season of “Man Vs. Wild,” or, y’know, just a private place for him to go drink his own urine and eat bug larvae in peace.